Couples Coaching has proven a BIG HIT
A few years ago I was asked to help a couple struggling with their relationship. They came to me very sceptical about what I could do to assist them. The results were fabulous. They left the coaching renewing their relationship and their love for each other and themselves. Quite often we can become the person we hate the most in our relationship because we are simply focused on their negativity. Whatever we focus on we get.
Their results sent other couples to me to get their relationships going a lot smoother. I work with the couple together and apart and then together again for the best results. I have since had;
- Couples that are not married but work together in the same business.
- Father and daughter
- Parents and son
- Mother and son
- Married Couples
- Couples going into a marriage
- Couples sorting out past relationship problems so they can go into their relationship without previous legal or negative attachments.
So what can you do to improve your relationship with yourself and your child or partner.
- Get in rapport with the other person by understanding how they represent the world in a visual, kinaesthetic, auditory or audio-digital fashion. Being right by forcing your representation onto them doesn’t work. If you think about it BOTH PEOPLE ARE RIGHT. They are just coming from a different angle…their angle. Look for their good intent.
- Blaming others leaves you powerless. When you blame your child or partner or any of their family members for how you are behaving you are not only projecting unresolved issues, you are giving your personal power away. Take your power back. Look at what is going on and ask yourself “what is really going on here”? “How could I do this differently”? Now you are at cause for your world
- Every person will have parts of their mother or father in their behaviours. We called this ‘parts’ of the subconscious. They can quite often clash causing self-sabotage. Your parents, while they gave you as much as they possibly could, may have still left you unfulfilled. Quite often we then look for a partner to fill that gap. This can be a tall order. It is great to have these issues resolved through coaching. Anchoring is another problem to look out for. Quite often you will see a parents’ behaviour being acted out by your partner or child and you may react to that. Resolving the issues you have with that parent may serve you best otherwise you may blame or react to unwanted behaviour when your partner or child acts in a similar way. The first 7-14 years of our life we copied someone so it’s bound to show up. It may not be the behaviour, but rather how you respond to it.
- Find out where “Love” sits in the relationship. Your behaviour runs on your values or what is important to you. You may wonder where ‘love’ went in the relationship. Having your values looked into and find the limiting belief that attached itself to what was important to you can solve a huge relationship issue. If you want to know your Values in Your Relationship ask yourself “What is important to me about my relationship”? See where love sits over time.
- Time for Each Other and Time for Self. As important as it is to have ‘date nights’, I believe it’s also very important to have time for yourself. Lunch with the ‘girls’ or ‘golf with the ‘guys’ is extremely important for you to program into your calendar of events. Lifestyle choices, holidays away, family time with both sides of the family is all necessary to keep your relationship on it’s toes.
- Communication is vital. I remember my mum and dad chatting to each other every night and most weekend mornings about what is going on, what could be better and what is going great. They made lots of joint decisions about themselves, the 7 children, work, housework, the discipline, holidays, etc. Our dinner table was away from the TV and discussions amongst all of us were encouraged. The other day I heard a father saying that his daughter just sent a text to her mother from the bedroom to see if dinner was ready. How times have changed. Keeping communication channels open really assists longevity in your relationship.
- Love you and find the best in everyone else. Ask yourself “how can I make this happen’?
Running a great relationship requires a lot of effort on everyone’s part. Being honest about what is working for you and what is not working allows adjustments to be made before they become big issues. Learning to RESPOND vs REACT is a great way to begin great negotiations. Responding takes a few seconds as it involves thought. Reaction does not help anyone and often ends up negatively. Loving you and laughing at what we do can lighten the load in everyone’s life, including yours.